Cookies, Conflict, and the Growing Pains of Motherhood

Last night, I ate way too many cookies.

Not because I was hungry. Not because I didn’t care about my health goals. But because I was hurting.

My daughter is almost twelve. She’s becoming her own person—strong-willed, independent, full of opinions and fire. And while I know that’s good (it’s so good), it’s also hard. We had one of those mother-daughter tiffs that leaves you raw and questioning everything. I swallowed my feelings. And then I swallowed cookies.

It wasn’t about the sugar. It was about the ache.

The ache of watching her grow up and away.

The ache of missing the little girl who used to need me for everything.

The ache of feeling like I messed up, even when I know I’m doing my best.

Motherhood is full of these moments—quiet grief tucked inside everyday life. We celebrate their independence while mourning the closeness we used to have. We hold space for their emotions while ours spill out in unexpected ways. Sometimes, that looks like tears. Sometimes, that looks like cookies.

And then comes the guilt. The self-loathing. The inner critic that says, “You should know better.”

But here’s what I’m learning: I don’t need to punish myself for being human. I don’t need to be perfect to be a good mom. I don’t need to hide the fact that sometimes, I cope in ways that aren’t ideal—because healing starts with honesty.

So today, I’m choosing compassion over shame. I’m choosing to name the feelings instead of numb them. I’m choosing to share this story in case another parent out there is sitting in the same swirl of guilt and grief and sugar and love.

You’re not alone. You’re not failing. You’re just feeling. And that’s okay.